Afi Ruel It’s the holidays again. With Thanksgiving over, you’re likely thinking “One down, 2 to go!” Full disclosure, I used to hate the holidays and I do not like this time of year (for reasons unrelated to the holidays). And I know if you found me here, you probably hate the holidays and winter as well. So I want to share what I do to survive the holiday season and come out happier in the new year.
1: Take care of yourself, Part 1
If you grew up in a family where you were abused, bullied or mistreated and the perpetrator was not dealt with, I’m sure the holidays are hard when you go home. Why? Because many families choose to still have that person come around as though nothing happened. If this is your family, you are not obligated in any way to show up and participate in the family circus. You need to cultivate your mental health, especially if you’ve been doing sacred work to become healthy and free.
Now, if your family is not quite this toxic then you can choose whether or not you can be around them. Maybe the older generation still doesn’t know how to relate to their siblings without rivalry and so they think physical fights are acceptable. Maybe you and your siblings like to throw shade as a way of dealing with your sibling rivalries. In instances like these, I think the question is “Is it worth it to avoid everyone or should I figure out a way to spend time with those relatives that genuinely love and care about me?” You may have siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins that you want to see and this may be the only time in the year everyone can make time to be all together in the same place and time. If the benefit of being around the ones who love you far outweighs the nuisance of those who only think about themselves, perhaps you CAN brave the visit. The choice is yours and I believe you’ll make the right decision.
2: Take care of yourself, Part 2
The holidays in America wouldn’t be the holidays without heart-attack inducing foods. I love sweets and bad food, too. I also feel better when I don’t eat them. I’ve landed on a veganish diet where I do eat small amounts of meat minus all dairy, eggs and refined sugar. You don’t have to do the same thing, but I would encourage you to consume less of these foods overall and to monitor your intake during the holidays. Especially if you’re left with heartburn, reflux or any kind of anaphylactic reaction. Another substance to monitor or avoid all together is liquor. While we all have our favorite drink, I’m sure we all don’t enjoy what’s left after the side effects wear off. Look for alternative ingredients to use in your favorite dishes. For example, I grew up eating collard greens cooked in fatback or salted pork. A healthier alternative is to use smoked turkey necks or to simply sauté the greens in your choice of savory and smoky seasonings.
3: Get up, get out and get moving!
One of the things I enjoy about winter is that I can take a walk at high noon and not get sunburn or overhead. I love the heat, but I do not enjoy roasting in it! And high noon is the warmest time of the day in the winter. So pick your favorite time of the day in winter and get out. Go for a walk, jog, run or bike ride. Enjoy the fresh, crisp air and how it feels in your lungs. Do this every day, even multiple times a day if you want. Watch your mood improve, and an added bonus is that it will help you work off the extra calories you’re taking on with all that holiday food.
4: Have a plan
If you do decide to be around relatives and friend groups where you know 1 or more will cause stress and strife, have an exit plan. Your exit plan is simply when you will arrive and when you will leave and any conditions that would cause an early departure. The plan also works best if you remain flexible. For example, let’s say that your exit plan includes arriving about 15 minutes before dinner and leaving exactly 1 hour after dinner (because perhaps the petty arguments and fist fights seem to happen after this time mark). It also includes your decision to leave if arguments and fights start to happen. Well, no petty arguments or fist fights have happened and it’s already been an hour past dinner. Perhaps you don’t have to leave right then. Maybe you can stay longer and continue enjoying friendship and family fellowship. In fact, stay as long as you’d like as long as it’s safe for you to do so.
5: Make your own rules!
We all know that the holidays – especially Christmas – are very commercialized and focused on material gift giving. While gifts are great, I would encourage you to focus on the gift of spending time with true friends and family members who really love you. Instead of exchanging gifts, how about a game night? Putting puzzles together is also fun. And who can say no to a movie marathon or girls night in? When you do have true friends and loving family, time spent together doing fun activities means so much more than any gift you could find and give.
Likewise, traditions are awesome too. But if baking cookies, holiday decorating or caroling just aren’t your thing (or worse, they make you sad) don’t do them. The best part about the holidays is that you get to decide on what traditions you will have and who you want to spend time with. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!
